Twisted.

I spent the better half of my easter alone. Besides the company of my two furry companions, I was flying solo today.

Skipped work because of a head splitting migraine that I think I received after downing a 20oz. cup of dark roast. I called in. I called thrice. Three times and no answer. Did work close today? I am not too sure... I'll find out on Tuesday. It was nice though. I was handicapped and in pain, numb and slightly annoyed, but I found solace in a series of.

Around 5pm the solitude bit me in the ass and I decided to go running. To clear my mind and to feel something, I went out into the storm. For an hour and a half I was pounding the pavement. One foot, in front of the other. A steady ongoing cadence of patter of rain, and the seeping lactic acid spreading across my quads. What a breathe of fresh air. Running is the perfect Rx for stress and to regain a sense of things worth living for. I ran unplugged and just like a dam that is overflowed, all my emotions and thoughts flowed and soaked my business socks more than the pelting rain.

I didn't know what was going to happen out there. I just knew I had to do it. I wanted to see if I could. A tiny voice in my head telling me to find out who I am by testing myself. To invite pain to see how long I can endure it. This in a weird way keeps me sane. Grounded. A little twisted, but in good faith and time I will slowly see who Philliam Wallace really is. Because when I find out, the rest just follows.

Bold new ambition.

This is day 2 of my newly blogging submissions, and it feels like I still have the need to write. I stirred awake this young Friday morning only to stumble upon two cats that have been waiting beyond the external aspect of my room. I find it hard to believe how much I can sleep through, a mind blasting alarm that my other roommates can hear, and the constant meowing of a deranged cat that simply will not accept no for an answer. I am amazed at how much green rice, courtesy of Violet Snowflake, one can consume. Although it is still 'white rice', it is generously coated with a special blend primarily of spinach, parsley and cilantro. Ahh, the satiation of food makes me quiver as the morning is shooed away from me. 

Happy note // My cousin from the bay area, had recently posted a video interview of my grandmother 'inang', her first name I believe to be Teodora who is now a ripe age of 86. She is precious and I am glad that she has been with us for this long and continues to see her grandkids grow and delay from attaining a college degree. Lol, I suppose it runs in the family. I can attest to her strength, she has done so much and changed many lives with her influence. She is an amazing woman.

I shall end of this note. Hopefully, after a morning workout in INSANITY will I muster effort to get back on the keyboard. 

A momentary lapse of consciousness.

// Reflecting has never been an easy thing. In this particular case, sitting and staring at an accumulation of my own pool of sweat may prove to be no exception. //

I understand that there are certain luxuries that may occur during a relationship. Of these certain things you already know of.  I on the other hand, can appreciate the littlest of antics that can sometimes happen that usually don't get plotted on the radar of noticing things. Of these things I wish I had more of to help me along my day. As of late, I feel spread among the same papers that lay strewn across the floor of my study. I feel stretched along the same lines as the fibers of my compression shorts that pull and contract with every move that I make... I've seen better days, but only measured by the amount of laughter added up and a sense of exhilaration lost between the active decisions that I make and of the sub-conscience that lie dormant. 

This style of free writing allows me to write down my most filtered inner-conscious notions that fill my head between breathes. It enables me to examine myself more inept and precise. Sometimes self reflection is the single most beneficial act that can protect your sanity. 

I imagine myself, without cause on some days. Of course I realize that my latest progression in education can instill a sense of failure to most,  I'd like to think that I can exclude myself from this bunch as to hold myself because of a higher calling and the blind faith of following fate. So I remain intact and shuttle forward, arms at the ready to get back up as I catch myself falling. I used to trust myself fully... These long days, I seem to doubt each thought and cell that fires within milliseconds of each other. Myosin, and actin. Do I fully give myself permission to go against what I feel is right or justified and get swept along with the other people that routinely shuffle past the morning rush and in hopes to get off work early enough to skip the afternoon rush hour? Am I destined to work a job that requires me to clock in everyday, to take a mandatory lunch that should not be held any less than the 35 minute mark? Who am I to follow these rules? I am who I am, who I was, who I will be. Unless an active decision takes places to chase after what I believe to be the right path...

But... then again. Who am I? To go against a system that forces our habits and decisions to be pressed along the curves of what we hope for and what we receive. This from a mild mannered man seems unfair, a little scary at first with the foot in the door feeling. We monopolize on specialization when that in nature as allowed for surplus to generate our very way of living. There is no sustainable means of living. Surplus has created shortages. We expect the wine to flow, to be on whenever we deem it important to gather. History is self evident in which cities are based of efficiency, division of labor, to create without any limitations when these limitations are unnatural. The industrial revolution, up until this point in time population, growth, grew steadily, sustainable. Boy, this has pressed upon the habits of creating workers and less philosophers, the thinkers, but I suppose that it has always been that way. 

What are we to do? What am I to do? I, who had taken the time to indulge deeper into the subconsciousness of the man I see every morning when my eyes peer into a mirror, but maybe its everything around me that confuses me. I digress. For now I will peer back into the eyes of my mind for it has been long closed... visine will help. Dry... so dry... but all in all I am happy and grateful. Weird.

// puss in boots //

2010

The best things are still yet to come.

I have to vouch for the cycling world. Nothing beats the great outdoors on a two wheeled-bicycle. Sorry 24spin but theres nothing like sucking in fresh air, open road, and watching the planes take off and land at the airport. 

Now Phase 1 of an indoor wooden pond, for my little green shelled friends.

As the modern saying goes...

When life throws you curve balls, try not to strike out.

Just make enough contact to stay in the game. Foul it out, get a base hit, hit a home run.
The summer is quickly coming to an end and school is quickly coming into view.

// From waterboarding, to a nuclear middle east we are in historic times. How am I to be remembered today when such colossal events are happening. Makes me wonder so much about where I fit in.

Contact, stay in the game. You may strike out, but that one time you will connect. Just be patient with yourself. Sure bad days come and go, but so do good days. Sometimes to move forward you really do need to take a couple steps back.

Words as mirrors

Words like a mirror, reflect the way we feel.

And the best word to best describe how I feel is bliss. Rafting was a complete and utter success. Thirteen went in, all thirteen went out. We did have a few close calls for some really bad outcomes, but the rafting gods were on our side today, and we pay our respects for those who were not so lucky on Monday. May their families and friends be comforted and find peace.

The river is as beautiful as it is dangerous. As is life, and we never take these things for granted. I finally feel like I have some proper footing on this teetering slide that I have been on for weeks. I feel like I am finally understanding. Optimism is a powerful thing.

With the right direction. We can make change.

Tis the season for White Water Rafting! Fa lalalala la la la la!

Hello friends, family, and the Future Rafters of Tomorrow.
Here it is. The American River Monkeys hosting White Water Rafting on June 29th. Again this is thirty five dollars, which you will give the guide when we meet up.

Stu, Justin and I would like to fully extend a brief thank you to everyone* who chose to participate in the events coming up in only a few sparse days. Thanks. I am ecstatic about the turn out,and here I was thinking that this was going to be a trip by myself.
For all the first timers joining us! Here's a little tidbit as to what to expect.

First off, the weather.
It's warm, true. It's hot, hell yes. Sure, the water's cold enough, but please realize that your chances of getting burnt are at an all time record high when wet. Please, please, bring sunblock and apply it generously. Lube up. Like Robin Hood giving money to the poor, but for your skin. Or some bar b que sauce on ribs. Lather. And half way through, lube up again! Most of all, make sure to dress comfortably. Men... now is the time to bust out those bikinis. Please no cotton, this will only make you heavy and an unhappy camper and not to mention chaff like your made of powdered sugar. Dri-fit, or athletic wear for instance is a great example of what to wear, over your swim gear. Caps/hats/sombreros/fedoras are also a great addition to protecting that beautiful face of yours. Just make sure you are able to securely fasten it to your head so that it stays on! Sunglasses are another great option too, yes, you look ten times cooler in those pictures, and they protect your eyes from glare but, make sure they are glued to your head. Please.
They. Will. Fall. Off.
This is my disclaimer to those of you who do not heed my warning and reduces my guilt if such does happen, at any point during the trip. I will still feel relatively bad though. Please make note of this.

Secondly, the water.
The river is unforgiving in many aspects. So you need to worry about the rapids, the rocks and what direction you are facing. This could save your life.
There will be Personal Flotation Devices available, they are mandatory. No shirt, no service so to speak and sizes are limited. If you happen to have your own PFD, bring it! You will be much happier and satisfied with your own, not to mention looking much cooler at the same time for having your own, looking like a seasoned raftarian. Those of you looking to stay aboard dry? You will get wet. Or fall in, I promise you. So make sure you have protection for your feet as well. Water shoes** are a must have and they will save you a ton of trouble. If you decide to rock your tennis', make sure there are holes for water drainage. Mesh, is the best option. But water shoes are cheap and comfortable. But either will do. They will protect your feet from both sharp and slippery rocks. Keep those feet looking happy! Be happy and smile! For those of you who have seen the pictures of me on the raft, you would agree how spectacular it looks. Those pictures were paid for, taken by third party photographers waiting at the major rapids. But for all the other moments on the water, look into getting a waterproof disposable! To share more lasting moments!

Third, your water.
Bring a drink. Better yet. Bring your OWN drink. Thanks to our guides, Stu and Justin. There will be a cooler provided and on board, to house all your necessary beverages. Be it Gatorade, water, Caprison, beer or Smirnoff that will quench your lust for thirst. Also bringing small snacks is highly encouraged, we will be on the river between 3 - 4 hours, and after paddling trust me, you will be sorry you didn't bring anything. As far as personal belongings go, please keep what you carry to a minimum. There will be a dry bag available, but space is limited as to what it can carry. Leave all valuables in the car and you will be happy that your ipod wasn't in the dry bag now floating down stream. The essentials only, will be brought onto the raft. Medication, sunblock, keys, chapstick and anything else I may have left out for you basket cases, including myself. Remember, bring only what you don't mind losing!

Lastly, safety.
Safety, is extremely important here. Everyone will need to cooperate and listen to your guide. We want to make sure we have a fun and safe trip to tell when we get back! The accidents that happen most are not in the water but on the raft! Missing teeth, bloody noses are all from not adhering to proper handling of equipment. Your paddle. Protect your head and the head next to you. Although, the river we will be rafting on does not require the use of helmets, we still need to practice caution. The first half of the river will give us a chance to become accustomed to the raft and hone in our skills as paddlers, we will learn guide commands, proper handling of the t-paddles, what to do when you get knocked out of the raft, a couple drinks and a chance to take a dip safely before we hit the rapids. By being safe we increase our fun! BE LOUD! BE CRAZAY! We are not a company tour! We are not paying over a hundred dollars. And! We get to drink alcohol!!! Any nerf footballs out there? Spray guns!!! Bring them just in case. Monday is going to be exciting and remember to bring everything you need and leave all your worries behind.
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Our rendezvous point. Sacramento// JUNE 29 MONDAY

We will do a short meet n greet and leave at 9am. This will give us a chance to learn names of the other rafters. At this point we will meet up with the guides Stu and Justin, at the ending point. From there we will make our way up river to the launch point. You will board one of the two rafts, one holding 7, the other holding 6. Travel time estimates around an hour to an hour 1/2.
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The night before!!!
Board Game and Bar B Que night! // JUNE 28 SUNDAY
Same place! In Natomas. We will expect company at 7pm. Please wear casual attire. I really don't want to get dressed up... but expect to have a great time!!! Bring whatever you like! Come see White Cheetah and Kingdom the Frisky Dingo!

* Roster includes
Guides
Stu // Justin
Rafters
Jasmine, Chris, Pam, Paul, Ron, Voleck, Phil, Sunny, Suvee, Koon, Ariell!

** Water shoes can be purchased at any participating Wal-mart or Target brand retail store.

*** Also someone remind me to buy a bag of ice and water camera.